Thursday, October 13, 2011

The first life vs. the second life

Last day of last year

It has been quite a long time since I've written anything personal here. Well, basically anything, for that matter. And with the time that has passed, a lot of things have changed. Myself included. And I must admit that I have failed my promise to update often. I got burned out. With all that has happened, it is a miracle that I'm still sitting here and writing.

This blog was never meant to be personal. I've always stated that I dedicate this to all the stylish, confident, and fearless women of Abu Dhabi that I encounter everyday. It was. It still is. But then I realize that this blog is mine. It is a great tool, a creative outlet. It should have been my creative outlet. I do not express remorse for the past year that I have done work for this blog. It may have exceeded (or not) others' expectations, but unfortunately, not mine.

I should have done more. It is one of the things I deeply regret, not being able to do more for those things I love. I love writing. And I've always had a fashionable state of mind, if there is such. But, the first life had other plans for me. There were a lot of things on my plate already on top of everything else. And although at the back of my mind I know that it was too much for me to handle, I still did my best and survived. But, not unscathed. I am always a person who loves challenging herself. I don't settle. I never settle. And as bad as it may sound, I'm someone who doesn't get satisfied easily. Especially with what I do. I always believe that I can do more, and that I will always succeed. Yes, I'm that optimistic. Positive thinking gets you places, they say.

But even with all the optimism in the world, reality never spares anyone. To cut the long story short, I did survive during those past months. I aced school as usual, and I'm a semester away from graduation. Finally! If I have anything to thank for, I'd thank God that I was able to stay sane enough to pay attention to my studies. But other than school, I don't think I was able to succeed in my other adventures the way I wanted to. There were so many factors to consider. And sometimes, I still get that pang of guilt and regret, especially since I wasn't the only one affected. But I do my best to shrug them off and just think that the whole experience will come handy in the future. We fall. We get up. That's how we roll.

So, where does this leave me now?

I am left with nothing but this blog and my creativity to make it through the day. It's hard to pick up the pieces from where I left off. So yes, this is my way of getting up. This is my way of starting anew, because it's the only thing I can do. With that being said, this blog will be more personal. I would still talk about fashion and style. After all, it is a big part of my life.

Fashion is my first life. During the past months, my life has now been categorized into two: the first life and the second life. The first life consists of reality and everything else that comes with it. My second life, however, is a bit more complicated to explain. It's a whole new world that may or may not be suitable to your liking. So, I suggest a reader discretion: Read at your own risk. Haha.

For people following me on Twitter, this may not come out as a surprise. I came out of my closet earlier this year. And no, I'm not gay. Try something a little more classy. I have turned into a fan girl. A KPOP fan girl. That's Korean Pop Culture for people who do not know. It's taking the world by storm nowadays, despite the number of people still wondering why most of us are very much hypnotized by the Hallyu Wave. I better stop here before I start to ramble about the pros and cons of being a fan girl.

So yes, for most of this year, I have been trying to find balance between my first life and my second life. It is a struggle. Second life took a lot of my time. I didn't mind, but when realization hit that I could have done more with the time I spent fan girl-ing, that was when I started to stop and take action.

First life should always come first. After all, it wouldn't be called first life if it wasn't, right? let me challenge myself again into becoming a better person. Gone are the years when I can use my 'I am a teenager.I screw up sometimes too.' excuse. I just turned twenty last month. And if it told me anything, it was that in less than a year, I would become a full-pledged adult with more responsibilities. Bigger responsibilities. And if I can't handle what I have right now, I would end up living a life of disappointment. And that's something I can't allow myself to do.

I'm gonna let Steve Jobs tell you what exactly I want to do. 

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. 
- Steve Jobs

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